A Week Of Royalty And Retro.

Well what an exciting week it has been. Two complete strangers engaged in the highly rare and unique ceremony known as a wedding last Friday and I for one was beside myself with delight. When your life is interminably dull, there is nothing more soothing than living it vicariously through others, and if those others happen to be very rich for no good reason then even better.

It was a crying shame that being stuck out here in Korea I missed the hype and frenzy that apparently built up throughout Britain and many other countries in the build up to the big day. I was told that one lady interviewed on British television had flown in from the USA solely for the wedding and had camped out for four days to get a prime spot for watching the procession. What determination, what enthusiasm, what a woman.

Just before the procession came fully into view she caught a glimpse of Prince Williams red jacket sleeve and fainted, was put into an ambulance and missed the entire wedding. What tragedy, what misfortune, what a cretin.

And that was a moment I would have paid to see and treasured for always. In years to come I could sit my grandchildren down and tell them where I was on the day an American half-wit feinted and ruined her entire holiday. Being a huge fan of schadenfreude, this heart warming tale lit up my rather stale week and I told anyone who would listen about the "best moment of the Royal Wedding".

As it happened, during the actual ceremony I was teaching a group of 14 year old students in my usual jovial fashion. One of them asked me if I was sad that I "cannot see the Prince's wedding" and I had to gently explain that I was not sad because I was a republican who would like to see the Queen beheaded in a violent, bloody uprising. He nodded solemnly and continued to work on his presentation about creating a movie; a movie which his team gave the tag line:

"If you see this movie, you will piss your pants".

It sounds like the sort of movie experience that the fainting American tourist might enjoy. Night out at the cinema? Well sure, but only if something extremely embarrassing will happen, you know how I like to spend my leisure time.

Talking of Princes, I was accused of having a syndrome carrying this very title only a few weeks ago. One of my female students complimented me on being "very handsome today teacher" and I of course replied "Yes I know".

Given that this rather regular false compliment is given out by students almost every lesson in the futile hope that it will result in you letting them play games rather than work, you would think my reply would be brushed aside. But it was not. A group of four girls erupted in high pitched screeches of amazement and fury...

"No no, Prince syndrome. Teacher you Prince Syndrome."

Prince Syndrome? I immediately thought of the singer and stopped in my tracks fixing this gaggle of shrieking adolescents with a steely, yet intellectual stare. I have Prince Syndrome do I? Are you trying to insinuate that I am a short, scrawny, weasel of a man who enjoys wearing velvet suits?! HOW DARE YOU! I am not short.

I demanded an explanation and it turned out that Prince Syndrome basically translates to arrogance. A boy or man with this affliction thinks of himself as a Prince and is hugely conceited. I assured my class that I did not have Prince Syndrome, as frankly it sounds like a weakness in someones character, and I simply don't have any weaknesses in mine. Moreover, of my numerous virtues, modesty is one of my strongest points.

But I did think of Prince Syndrome last Friday when the students asked me about the Royal Wedding. Can a Prince have Prince Syndrome? There's a deep, philisophical question for you to ponder.

Despite the wedding not getting huge coverage here, it was certainly covered and it made the front pages of the newspapers. But then archaic institutes like the Royal Family should be popular here, as despite their love of technology, many Korean children in particular seem obsessed by objects that are at best quite retro and at worst outdated.

I see some cheerful young teen wandering the corridors of the school with his Rubiks Cube in hand and give him an approving nod. But in the classroom their obsession with pencils and pens is even more bizarre. Every child seems to pride their reloadable pencil; the type where you put flimsy lead sticks into it and can then press a button to make a nib appear, only for it to break as soon as you start writing and then press the button again.

They love a good pencil these kids. But the other day one of my students 'Homer Simpson' upstaged the entire class with his prize possession. A Parker Fountain Pen.

Now, I have no idea if Parker pens were popular in the USA, but back in about 1992 when I was at school, Parker pens were very much sought after. But this was in 1992. It's now 2011. I felt that perhaps I should let Homer Simpson know that we now lived in a world of DVDs and the Internet, but he was too busy holding court to an amazed mob of small children who were fawning over his pen.
A pen that leaks. A pen that makes a blotchy mess everytime you use it even slightly carelessy. A pen that can break very easily and needs to be refilled all the time.

Now I know how much retro attractions carry weight in the classroom, I am thinking of ways to impress my students. Perhaps I could leave my I-Pod at home and swagger into work with a Walkman. The kids were go mental. I could show them the old cup and ball on a string game, throw away your Wii kids, all you need is this and a spinning top to be the pride of Daegu.

Imagine if I rode to school on a Penny Farthing! I can imagine the scenes of jubilation now. Crowds of children cheering, Korean parents awe struck at my British extravagance, and fellow teachers lining the roads to take a picture of me gliding to work in style. I would just have to hope than none of my American co-workers fainted before they even got to see the little wheel at the back.