Seolnal: Happy New Year...Again!

Yes I have had two New Year celebrations. I believe most of you reading this had a pathetic one. One New Year celebration? That is so last year. I'm more of a two New Years type of man and Korea has given me the opportunity to be who I always knew I was deep down.

The reason for this is something to do with the Moon. I would give a more indepth and informative explanation but that would have required me to be culturally sensitive and actually learnt a bit about what I was celebrating. So you will have to rely on Wikipedia.

I believe it happens at pretty much the same time as Chinese New Year, which is somewhat of a shame, as I could have had the option of making this a year of three New Years. Something that would surely have been ground breaking?

Of course there is one let down to all this New Year shenanigans and that is that I hate New Year. Sure, I go out and "celebrate" with friends, but really I despise it. Another year closes and I look back at the twelve months I've wasted and then buy another drink at a bar that is crowded with grinning baffoons wanting to shake my hand when they don't know me at all, and if they did, they would think twice about shaking my hand.

But it was time off work and an excuse to once more travel to nearby Busan with Little Spoon an affable chap you shall know as Mason and the British couple previously known as Josh and Nat. As with all of my friends, they demanded an idiotic nickname and as such I would like to introduce you to Chess Champ and Chocolate Orange.

Nat is known as Chess Champ, because whilst at school Josh and his friends heard a rumour that she was Russian and a genius at Chess. Both rumours proved to be false, or so she says.

Similarly a young fool at Josh's school misheard his surname as Terry and called him Terrys Chocolate Orange after the fantastic chocolate gift that I would buy both of my parents every year for Christmas until I was about 15.

So we cut a merry quintet as we headed out full of Moon induced New Year vibes and the rather familiar delights on offer in Busan. I like Daegu, but Busan has several things that Daegu does not.

Firstly it has numerous beaches.

This makes it very popular with a lot of people. I'm not one of those people as I hate the beach. Sand annoys me and I don't really like water that has salt in it. Secondly it has an Irish Pub that I would not normally give the time of day back home but is quite welcome for a change out here. But I feel I should go back to my dislike of salt water for a moment...

I have pondered over my issues with salt water and believe I have traced the origins back to when I was four years old and being a culinary radical pushed the boat out into uncertain waters by eating a toadstool. My mother and my aunt were clearly a bit squeemish about "exotic foods" and rather than admire my worldly attitude, tried to make me throw up the offending funghi.

So what did they do? Made me drink a pint of salt water. But to a man of my iron fortitude, even at only 4 years of age, this brine like solution simply helped wash down what had been a hearty meal. So eventually a spoon was stuck down my gullet and I was indeed violently sick.

I only began eating mushrooms around two years ago and still frown at the sea when I see it.

However I do like Busan. I like sitting in a cocktail bar just in sight of the beach, where I can pretend I love the beach and that I am not sat there simply to indulge a slight drinking problem.

Mason had never been to Busan before and I didn't want him to stumble off on his own and end up finding all the wrong things like the museum, the aquarium or the old China town area.
So I'm sure he was glad to have me as a tour guide. Off to the classy "Fuzzy Navel" bar. Chess Champ and Choc Orange are fellow fans of Busan and Little Spoon is a fan of most things provided you suggest them in an excited tone of voice.

Unsurprisingly it turned into a good night, and a better night than my regular New Year too. Perhaps I need to think about bringing this "Seolnal" celebration back with me to British shores.

As the night wore on, Chess Champ and Choc Orange challenged Little Spoon and I to a game of Beer Pong. For the uninitiated this involves facing each other across a table with 10 holes cut into it on each side. Cups of beer are then placed in the holes and you throw a ping pong ball at your opponents cups; if it lands in the cup, they must drink that beer.

The winner is the one who removes all their opponents cups first. Simple. Simple and easy. We lost. Again. In fact whenever I play this game, I seem to lose despite having exceptional hand eye coordination and a competitive spirit to rival the greatest of sportsmen.

We sat and discussed the epic match and an interesting conversation ensued...

Me: "So Chess Champ, I have to say you were pretty good at beer pong, were those your chess tactics coming into play?"

Chess Champ laughed, because I'm a naturally witty man and my chess quip was both timely and relevant.

Chess Champ: "No, I never even played Chess, but yeah I'm pretty good at beer pong, I always do well at it."

Little Spoon: "It's hand eye coordination, are you good at driving?"

Chess Champ: "No not really, I had a few lessons but..."

At this point, Chess Champs loving partner raised his head from the pint of Guiness he was gulping down and made an incomprehensible word/sound to interject into the conversation and then offered his darling a touching tribute...

Choc Orange: "Oh No. No she can't drive mate, no awful at driving. But yeah you're right she can play beer pong. She's really good at beer pong, but she's ABSOLUTELY SHIT at everything else. Everything."

I look at Chess Champ and she is frowning...

Chess Champ: "Well I'm not bad at darts. I mean I'd never played it really, but when we've played it here I'm not bad."

Choc Orange mulls this over for a moment and then begins to nod. He's a very fair man and is always happy to admit if he might have made a mistake.

Choc Orange:"Yeah to be fair babe that's true, you're alright at darts."

He looks over to Little Spoon and I and concedes he made an error...

"Yeah she's right, she is okay at darts, so yeah she is pretty good at beer pong and darts but she is ABSOLUTELY SHIT at everything else. Everything...just shit, really bad."

Chess Champ nods in agreement and we order some more drinks. The worrying thing for me is that I am absolutely shit at beer pong and darts too, and there were never even the smallest rumours that I was a genius at chess or anything else for that matter. It is a good job that I'm not trying to woo my friend Choc Orange or I would be doomed to fail before I had even begun.

It was thus with a heavy heart that I returned to work on Friday after two days of merriment and beach gazing. But as I asked my students if they had enjoyed their new year and was met with a cacophony of negative feedback I began to feel that I had been almost blessed with my experience of Seolnal.

I did however find one student who had a good time, my old friend Rocky from one of my "middle school" classes. Although what Rocky considers a good time is perhaps a little different to most people.

Me: "So Rocky did you have a good New Year?"

Rocky: "Yes teacher, good. Went to see the body go to ground."

Me: "You went to see what?"

Rocky: "Erm...the body, dead body. Put to the ground."

Me: "You went to a funeral? Somebody died and you saw their body buried in the ground yes?"

His pockmarked face lit up and he nodded "Yes teacher this"

I didn't know what to say really, but I'm glad that he enjoyed spending his New Year at a funeral, may all his future holidays be blessed with death and the chance to view the disposal of the deceased's mortal form.