Demons in Daegu...Beware the Red Mask!

Since promising to update this ramshackle blog twice a week, I have in fact managed to leave it almost two weeks before this latest collection of irrelevant and random information. But if you hear the chilling tale I am about to unveil, I feel you will understand why my mind has been in turmoil and rather than typing out segments of my mundane existence I have been peering through cracks in the curtains and securing my windows and doors.

The living nightmare I know inhabit is down to my local Korean information board, also known as fourteen year olds Sera and Amy who I teach twice a week and who have so far taught me about rabbits living on the moon and of course the famous Dinosore (sic) "Clecle".

Our lessons are becoming a form of cultural exchange, where I teach them something of a little use that improves their English and they teach me something of absolutely no value whatsoever that makes me look at the map of Korea, frown and shake my head in a condescending fashion.

But nothing could have prepared me for the shock of learning about the band of marauding demonic spirits that stalk the Daegu streets at night. How this came up I can't quite remember, but I'd imagine that it was a successful attempt by one of them to veer me off topic and thus give themselves a break from my interminably dull style of teaching.

One of the girls began to tell me about "The Red Mask". This was apparently a woman who would knock on your door at night or approach you on a quiet street and ask if you thought she was beautiful. If you answered her in any fashion she would then slash your mouth open to give you the appearance of The Joker from Batman.

Apparently the Red Mask had herself got this distinctive scar, and she has been adding people to her exclusive club of facially mutilated Koreans for several years. I was fairly displeased with this news and told my students so.

Me: "She sounds very unreasonable and I think someone should put a stop to this. Have any of you called the police? This is exactly the sort of thing the police can help with."

Amy: "No teacher, police can no help..."

Me: "Woah there Amy, I understand your cynicism, but you cannot lose all faith in the police. They can help. Let's call them, tell them all about this awful Red Mask lady and get her put where she belongs: Behind Bars."

Sera and Amy: "NO TEACHER! Is no lady, is ghost spirit. Police can no stop Red Mask"

Ah. This was trickier than I thought. So the Red Mask was a "ghost spirit", which in my experience is possibly the worst type of spirit you can find. I put the English books back on the shelf and told them to put away their work, this was no time for learning.
I needed to know more and to find a way to rid Daegu of this peril. I am afterall a superficial man and the last thing I want is to end up teaching a group of teenagers who are not only utterly bored with me, but also horrendously scarred and difficult to look at.

Me: "I'll sort this out girls. Other than the sliced open mouth what does she look like? Does she actually have a red mask?"

Sera: "Red Mask is her a name. She very tall teacher, maybe taller than you and long hair."

Taller than me? She was taller than my towering height of 6ft? Preposterous. Who was this Red Mask? The demonic reincarnation of Robert Wadlow in drag? I had had my doubts to the validity of this ghost-spirit at the outset but now the realms of believabilty were being truly tested.

I was about to dismiss this whole thing and return to my monotone, subdued lesson on the rainforests when Amy dropped another bombshell.

Amy: "She is worst mask. More bad than Blue Mask"

What in the name of Vishnu? It turned out there was a Blue Mask who pulled your eyes out. But it didn't stop there, Daegu was home to a veritable A-Team of demons. A Black Mask who removes the top of your head and eats your brain, a White Mask who does something they can't remember and last of all a Yellow Mask who gives you....wait for it....A BIG NOSE!

They seemed fairly concerned about the Yellow Mask, but I felt and still do feel that he or she is letting down the team. Whilst the rest of the Masks clearly take their work seriously and vary from tearing your face open to leaving you dead with an empty skull, the Yellow Mask gives you a larger than average nose. Pathetic attempt. I'm happy with my nose in its current form, but if the Yellow Mask brutally gave me a larger one, I'm sure I could cope.

To be honest if I was one of the other Masks I would be suggesting that Yellow goes home and works on a new routine.

But the other three Masks had me shook. What a fool I had been this past 4 or so months, strolling home at 5am in the morning with the strut and swagger of a man confident that he is safe and in no danger. Yes there is no real crime here, but all along I could have been moments from having my brain consumed, my eyes torn from my skull or God help me a more imposing nose.

Before we left class, I wanted to thank them for their warning and ask how to avoid the perils of the other Masks. They had helpfully informed me that if I said nothing to the Red Mask and simply turned and walked away, she would probably not reach down to maul me from her colossal height of 6ft 1", but rather slink off into the shadows.

My biggest concern was obviously the Black Mask and I can assure you that this is not due to any racial prejudice. I don't profile Masks and although I never found out what the White Mask does, I'm sure it's pretty bad. Equality for all demonic Mask creatures is a must, but at the end of the day the Black Mask would open up my skull, and leave me quite literally brainless and no longer alive, which seemed a worse fate than the rest.

And it was here that I got another fascinating insight into the "logic" of a Korean girl.

Me: "Well the Black Mask is obviously the worst, how do I avoid him?"

Amy and Sera: "No! Red Mask is worst"

Me: "What? How can the Red Mask be worse? She leaves you with a scar on your face, but you're alive. The Black Mask murders you. How can the Red Mask possibly be worse?"

Amy and Sera: "She only ghost who talk to you. Black Mask not speak. Red Mask talk to you, is the worst teacher, very bad."

Well of course.