Teaching in Korea: New Teachers, Same Old Kids...

It was always going to happen. Three of our teachers left our school. I knew it was going to happen since the day I was told that in a couple of months time the twelve month contract for three of our teachers ended and that they would be leaving.

So Stacy, Stanley and Eddie departed and we were assured that three new teachers would be joining our dwindling band to ensure we were not overloaded with work.

I have come to be a little skeptical of assurances at our school and sure enough on the day two new teachers arrived there was something amiss. There was only one. Nobody would tell us what had happened to the guy who passed training and was due to arrive, but he was taken to one side and sent home. I discussed this with the other teachers and agreed that he probably had HIV.

We then heard that a third teacher would arrive in a few weeks. A few days later it was confirmed that he had actually failed his Criminal Background Check and would not be coming. Great. Nobody told us what his crime was, but I'm going to presume it had something to do with HIV.

So we are short of two teachers, and I have a host of new classes, who make last semesters seem fantastic. Sullen fifteen year olds everywhere who neither speak nor have any desire to be there. And then at the other extreme I have a bunch of hyperactive midgets who cry if they drop their pencil, cry if I don't pick them to read first and cry if I say "Well done" with too much volume.

I do have one good student though, she is attentive, works hard and speaks well. However her idea of what a teacher/student conversation should be is a little out of the ordinary.

Good Student: "Teacher do you have a girlfriend?"

Me: "Not at the moment, now look at your book..."

Good Student: "How many girlfriends you had?"

Me: "I'm not answering that."

Good Student: "Oh ten? You've had ten?"

Me: "What? I never said a number, I'm not answering."

Good Student: "Oh wow, more than ten I think. Teacher what did you do before you were teacher?"

Me: "I worked in wine"

Good Student: "Oh wow, I love wine!"

Eventually I managed to drag her away from the fascinating topic of ex girlfriends and wine, but at the end of the lesson she has an interesting business proposal for me.

Good Student: "Teacher, we go to shop and you buy me wine, yes?"

Me: "No, I'm not buying you wine".

Good Student: "Why? Come on we can go now, you know the good wines, pick for me and buy for present."

Me: "No, you are fourteen and I would lose my job, wait until you are older to have wine."

She purses her lips and looks at me as if I am a disobedient child.

Good Student: "Teacher...I can wear different clothes."

Well why didn't you say so? Here I was saying I wouldn't buy you alcohol like a miserable old twat, and all along you were prepared to wear different clothes? That changes everything. You nip home and change out of that Mickey Mouse T-Shirt and into, I don't know a Donald Duck dress and I'll meet you at the supermarket. A bottle of Chateau Margaux okay for you? Perhaps you'd like a cigar and some cognac to finish off the evening?

The next lesson she presented me with a book mark she had bought me. Hardly covered the cost of all the champagne and cocaine I had bought her, but to be fair she's probably not made of money being fourteen and all.